Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Dear Spouses - Please Just Love One Another

Please just love one another.  The alternative is too great a burden to carry.  It's not out of fear that one should love to sustain a relationship, but out of a sense of duty and care. 

We wake up, kiss the kids goodbye, head off to work, return and go to sleep.  We become mechanical, free of thought; actions become driven by unconscious routine which lacks little input, bypassing any notion of cognitive ability.  As a couple we become passing ships in the night.  Please just love one another.

We pass snide comments which are scornful, all the while playing down their malice, masking them as mere playfulness. This form of jest can be coupled with the synonym dig and that is the true essence of it; it digs at and into our partner's character, their soul...and all the while we encourage them to "not be so sensitive" or to "grow thicker skin" or to "just deal with it". We give disparaging looks, a look of impatience, a look which suggests that their actions are pathetic or lame.  Please just love one another.

We stay up late watching tv or gaming to avoid lying next to the person who is waiting for us each and every night to come to bed.  We convince ourselves that the children need "lying with" and then we happen to suitably fall asleep.  Yet another night passes and we are nowhere to be seen by our partner who has now grown used to the separation which is conveniently masked with a care of duty to the children.  Please just love one other.

We rush to work so that we can feel valued outside of our own relationship back home.  We flirt innocently and convince ourselves that that particular colleague is "just a friend". We even have ourselves believing that flirt and innocence can fit alongside one another.  We neglect to observe the very real fact that "innocent flirting" is an oxymoron, excusing it as all in the name of sport and all the while playing it down with a conscious effort to sell ourselves the lie which is this is just a bit of's harmless.  Please just love one another.

We return home and compare our partner to the fun guy or girl at work.  We take their highlighted personality and weigh it up against the worts and all personality of our spouse, because it is more thrilling to have a love interest outside of the home.  We play fantasy and all the while emotionally cheat on the partner who is potentially none-the-wiser, still focused on building that all important life together.  We lie to ourselves because that what we do.  We avoid the hard topics, because life has somehow become confrontation free and that suits us just fine.  Please just love one another. 

Please just talk.  Please just strip it all back and avoid turning your back on what is honest, pure and right.  Hug, even if it makes you cringe.  Talk, even if it is hard to do so.  Persist, work and expel all distraction which aims to eat at your relationship like a silent, deadly cancer.

Avoidance is futile.
Flirtation is never innocent.
Fear is counterproductive.
Apathy kills.
Please just love one another. Today. Now.  


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