Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Fathers, Be Good To Your Child's Mother

Like any husband, I have my ups and downs.  For the most part, I think I am a pretty decent husband, but more recently, I have really been focusing on what a good husband really is versus what I think a good husband is.  Perhaps there are some of you out there who are like me.  I ensure that all the "manly" chores are taken care of, I am an active father and I work hard to provide for my family; but is this enough?  Sometimes I get so sidetracked on what it is to be a good husband, that I lose sight of just being a good husband.  I ensure that my wife knows just how much I do, when in fact I could just quietly get on with it.  "Look what a great man I am, so domesticated in all that is both manly and womanly" I sometimes "hear" myself thinking...but there is one simple problem here; the age-old notion of actions speak louder than words.  I guess in my case I think that actions and words together speak EVEN louder!  But surely this will only annoy the wife.

So what does this have to do with fatherhood?  It is simple really, by displaying respect and dignity towards my wife (or a child's mother), as a husband/partner/ex, I am indirectly communicating to my child the importance of love and respect.  Even though it is impossible to be perfect all of the time, I guess husbands like myself need to bear in mind that deeds are more important than words (and not both together).  By indirectly praising myself and telling my daughter's mother all that I do, I am pointing out to my little girl that this is not what daddy's do and that I am going beyond the call of duty...which, in fact, is not the case - I am doing what is right and what should be done, both for my wife and my child.  If I were to have a son it would be vital in the sense that it would indirectly display a healthy way on how to treat women, especially in instances where the husband/partner/ex disagrees or is upset with the child's mother.  An imperative life-lesson.  And for my daughter?  Well, it is even more important.  My actions will set a benchmark for how she should be treated one day when she finds her future husband/partner.  It will hopefully equip her with the knowledge that she should be treated in a way that is fair and equal, in a way which exemplifies love and respect.  I sometimes get this wrong, but I am wising up to my shortfalls.  I need to set an example of how it is done, to set a standard that should never be ignored when it is my little girl's turn to experience love and relationships.  Sometimes far more difficult than it seems, but well-worth persisting with.



  1. Hey Darron, I follow your blog closely and I can particularly relate to today's. Having a pregnant wife, I sometimes don't take her every need into consideration. But now is the right time to adopt the attitude you speak of so that my daughter see's how a woman should be treated and seeks those same qualities. This line especially hits home: "I need to set an example of how it is done, to set a standard that should never be ignored when it is my little girls turn to experience love and relationships."

  2. I always looked up to and respected my dad for the way he served, loved and looked after my mom. For some reason, I was under the impression that this sort of behavior was 'automatic' and had every expectation that I would one day be the same kind of husband to my wife.

    Needless to say, my world came crashing down when I was confronted with my own selfishness, especially after we had our first child. I have since learned just how much hard work it is and how much sacrifice it takes. It actually makes me respect my dad even more because I now understand the sacrifice that goes into it - which he gladly did with love and gentleness.

    I still aspire to be that man, though I get it wrong often. None the less, as long as we are honest with ourselves on these matters, then there's always room for improvement.

    Thanks for your encouraging blog!
    from the 'work in progress' :-)

    1. Hi there "Work in Progress"

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting on the post. I too have learnt the hard way, always assuming that being a supportive and understanding husband "just happens"; this is what inspired me to write the post this morning. I think if we are truly honest with ourselves, we are all (and constantly) a work in progress (I know I am!).

      Thanks again for the support and please do keep reading.

      Kind regards,


© Making sense of the unknown leap into fatherhood. All rights reserved.
Blogger Designs by pipdig