Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Quirky Quotes From a Two/Three-Year-Old

My daughter has been talking for about two years now (she is currently 3).  Ever since her first words, like most little ones, she has come up with some really amusing and witty one liners.  These quirky observations and comments are often completely unexpected and almost always priceless in their delivery.  I have enjoyed them so much that I thought it only fitting to share them; here are a few of my favourites:

1. Cruising around the shops aged 1.5 with a handbag flung over her shoulder, she walked right past the cash-desk/till, waved goodbye to the staff only to walk right out of the shop, setting off the burglar alarm.  She stopped, turned around, gave one last wave of the hand and called out "Bye!"

2. One bedtime my daughter requests - "kisses" (so I kiss her), "hugs" (so I hug her), "nosey-nosey" (so we rub noses)...then she pushes me away saying "ok, all done, you can go now!!"

3. Just having learnt to talk, my daughter wakes up from her afternoon nap:  
Her:  "where's mommy gone?"
Me:  "take a guess my love"
Her:  "SHOPS!"
Me:  "spot on baby"

4. During one of her bathing sessions: "daddy, please pass me the [rubber] mat." I pass it to her... "well done daddy!"

I'm off to London with Teddy!

5. Me:  "Darling, can I have my morning kiss?"  Her:  "No, I'm afraid I have to go to London with teddy"

6.  My wife and my daughter had just come back from visiting the local garden centre. My wife was trying to prompt our daughter to tell me that they had seen a scarecrow.  The conversation went as follows:
My Wife (K): tell daddy where you went today.
My daughter (L):  garden centre
K: tell daddy what you saw.
L: plants
K: ...and...
L: more plants
K: ...and...
L: pots!

End of conversation!

7. We are at a soft play centre and I asked my daughter why she doesn't go and play instead of sitting with me: "I'm just relaxing. Stop asking me why and why and why!", finished off with an annoyed clicking sound.

"I just planted seeds!"
8. Saying prayers one night, my wife thanked God that our little one got to experience planting herbs at a local children's farm and that she also got to experience preparing a cake which they later ate.  Hold up, stop right there.  My daughter abruptly ends the prayer and demands "what cake?" We all stop, open our eyes. "I didn't have any cake today, just my lunch and then I planted seeds!"

9. "Babes, I love you with all of my heart"
"Daddy, I love you too, now can you stop bothering me?"

10. "Daddy, this house is too rusty, there are flies everywhere and it's very dusting. It's very messy isn't it?"

11. When watching my national team play rugby (The mighty Springboks) I often say the odd thing or two to the TV.  My daughter once reacted by saying: "daddy, maybe we should turn it off so that you won't be grumpy anymore" Fair enough!

"I haven't worn lipstick in ages & ages"

12. "Daddy, I'm SO stressed out" **exhales** "I haven't worn lipstick in ages and ages"

13. Whilst walking through an upmarket department store with my little girl, she ran off into the female changing room.  Naturally I can't go in so I wait patiently outside calling for her.  The next thing I hear is "peek-a-boo". S***!! (I pity the poor lady who might well have been standing there in the buff!)

...and lastly...

14. "Mommy is called Katie.  Daddy is called Big Boy"


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