In A World Preoccupied With Equality, Why Are We So Blind When It Comes To Our Children?

Seeing the media coverage over the past two weeks of children brought to tears, the fear in their voices, and their trembling tiny little limbs as they are separated from their parents on the American border, brought me to tears.  I find that more and more frequently adult decisions are impacting on the lives and happiness of innocent children who have not chosen their geographical birthplace, whether or not their parents’ marriage will be a success or whether their parents were or were not bonded in union.  There are too many tears, there are too many broken fragile hearts and it’s heart-breaking.  Being a strong advocate of solid, proactive patenting and an active father, I follow many different groups on social media – breastfeeding groups, education groups, groups which promote the importance of fathers, groups which promote the importance of mothers, and even those groups consisting of fun individuals who dress their kids up in silly costumes so that we can have an aaah cute moment.

Whilst scrolling this morning, I had the misfortune (or fortune) of seeing a video where the caption read “dad was awarded custody in 2010 after the mother was incarcerated, as soon as she was released, the judge ordered that the child be returned to her”.  The video shows a dejected father, sitting, slumped up against a car door whilst the child pleads and cries, holding onto his father, exhaustedly repeating the phrase “no, I don’t want to go”.  Unfortunately this is not an isolated incident (read here to see how the impact of being separated from your children can lead to suicide).

We are shocked and outraged by the images seen this week – and I strongly feel that the media have done an incredible job on reporting the atrocities happening on the American border – yet we seem to overlook that this is going on all over the world within our borders; and apparently more frequently than we would have ourselves believe.

As a Western society we are constantly seeking out equality.  Pride Week is fast approaching, recognising the equality of sexual orientation and Women’s Rights and equal pay are hot on the list, but are we not in danger of moving beyond equality in the opposite direction?  Surely equality means just that – and nothing sits closer on my heart than equality for parents when it comes to loving their little ones and having unlimited access to them (unless of course there are legitimate safety concerns).  Equality doesn’t seem to open its arms and embrace the many parents who are desperately fighting to be a part of their children’s lives.  Unfortunately it seems to be the fathers who find themselves in this horrid nightmare far more often than mothers.  The fact that I might fall prey to sardonicism doesn’t escape me; I am aware that this post would carry greater gravitas if I were a mother writing this, but the fact is I’m not a mother, and I’m not rallying the troops in support of mothers or fathers, but purely intending on commenting on something which is a grave shame.

The disgusting ploy to alienate children based the fact that their parents might be trying to cross borders illegally (in a desperate attempt to find a better life for their children) or where one parent despises the other and indulges in a game of chess where children are pawns, is harmful and irresponsible (often leading to Parental Alienation Syndrome).  How can we be so blinded by hate that the lives of fragile little souls are put into jeopardy?  When did society deem it ok for children to be taken from their parents?  When did it become ok for governments to decide that children go one way whilst their parents are ushered in the opposite direction?  When did it become ok for courts and government agencies to indirectly prolong parental alienation, hiding behind red tape and workloads?  When did the children stop mattering?  The domino effect is frightening.  Do we never stop to think where these children will be in ten, fifteen, twenty years’ time?  We are looking at a future where orphans in fact have parents, but were once displaced, moved around, shunted here and there to suit government policy or to satisfy the needs of a delusional mother or father.  I’m afraid to live in this world.  I’m afraid to live in a world where one person can make a claim or a decision, whether that be the President of the United States, or a parent hell-bent on punishing an ex by using their children as leverage.  It’s disenchanting.  We as supposedly “mature” adults are creating a rod for our own backs.  Children need mothers and fathers.  They need love and security.  Mothers and fathers bring with them their own unique influences on the children they have brought into this world; if we want a world of equality, then let us stop over-compensating for perceived or actual past injustices and focus on creating a world where children know their mothers and know their fathers despite geographical orientation or the breakdown of adult relationships.